At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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