she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
