Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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