The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
