So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
