Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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