they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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