my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize