As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
