dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
