paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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