did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize