you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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