One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Found your dick twin last night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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