nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
