dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
