there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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