its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my mouth tastes like poor choices
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
