I will die if light touches me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
