you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
