He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
