I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
