So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
