Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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