I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
