you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
