my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
