No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
