Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
