Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
