plz talk dirty to me
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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