Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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