i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
