i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
