you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize