last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
