In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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