Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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