Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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