I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
