I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
