I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
