my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
