I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
