I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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