i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
