um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
