I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Four minutes until I can fart!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Randomize