remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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