How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize