i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
