you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize