idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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