Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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