Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
