wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
