i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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