Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize