I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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