You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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