dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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