i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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