I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
