my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize