you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
