I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
