She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
