I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize